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Duck Review

I am writing a review about ducks. Yeah, ducks.

Why am I doing this? It’s simple, I was asked/ harassed by my friend Louis to write a review about ducks.

I have a feeling someone’s been at the funny fags again.

I accepted the challenge, after six months of much popular demand. I’m no duck expert, then again I don’t think Louis is either, making this entire blog rather pointless, but still, I shall soldier on and do my level best as I’m such some duck enthusiasts may stumble upon this blog, meaning extra hits for my blog. This is a learning curve for us all. Every cloud has a silver lining, I guess. Anyway, enjoy this blog whiles I’ll curl up in the corner of my room in the fetial position, sobbing my eyes out whiles listening to Duran Duran’s Ordinary World on the CD player (remember those, kids?)

White Call Duck Drake

First up is this little fella. According to my research this is the ideal duck to keep as a pet if you’re short on space. I never knew you could keep ducks as pets. Oh well, when in Rome. It has white feathers. I see they originated from Holland, I was there not long ago in Amsterdam. Nice city. Red Light District is nice, a bit too pricey though (HEYYYYYYYYY). If it’s from Holland, shouldn’t it not have orange feathers? Is there a duck with orange feathers? I’m the one doing this bastard review so I should know. Drake may be friendly and lively, but he can also be somewhat of a nosy little fucker. Nah, not for me. Got enough agro with my dog making a racket without adding a duck into the mix. I guess you could say, he’ll drive me QUACKers! I’ll just see myself out….

Pekin Duck

The duck that inspired Jemima Puddle-duck. I never knew that. Then again, I don’t know anything about ducks. 95% of duck meat consumed in America comes from this breed. Now there’s a fact you can take the bank. I can’t confirm whether or not that is true as the only experiences I have of being in the States was this past April in Dallas, Texas, where 95% of the people I met must have been hitting it up at the local McDonalds. I remember going in and I was the only white guy there. The looks I got, man. I only wanted my chicken nuggets. I’m getting off track, got to stop doing that. A Pekin Duck looks like a more traditional duck, in other words, it’s boring. NEXT!

Swedish Blue

I do love a Swedish bird, but I’ll give it a miss in this case since it’s a duck! Swedish Blue ducks are apparently very calm birds and make good beginner’s ducks. They can also produce up to 100 eggs a year! You’ve got to admire them for that. They love to free range and will go broody, you know, as you do. Sadly, it’s also an unpopular breed of duck and is also classified as ‘endangered’. That’s a shame, they look dead canny. I guess they don’t get as broody as they once did. We should try and start something to get them breeding again, or not, too much time.


I’m just adding this one for shits and giggles. Seriously, look at it. It looks as if it’s wearing a hat! If I was doing this whole thing in order this one would be in first place. No doubt about it! Its origins are mixed with some saying it comes from Holland and others saying the East Indies. When you’ve got a duck that looks as if it has a bowler hat on it can come from anywhere it damn pleases! You can also get miniature versions, too, which is pretty darn neat! But as a duck, it’s pretty shit. Like the Swedish Blue, Crested ducks are flirting with the endangered species tag. We need to see more ducks shagging dammit. That’s a phase I thought I’d never see myself writing. Hey hows it going.


Now that’s what I call a duck. With its instantly recognisable coat of feathers, a Mallard is a duck legend. They live in the wetlands, eat small animals, and are a sociable bunch. You won’t catch a Mallard on his tod, you’re more likely to see a pack of the guys knocking about around the wetlands. They must have some proper banter going on, right? What can you say about this duck that’s not been said before? With its ability to lay 1000 eggs a year, the Mallard is surely the king duck! Mallard is also a name of a train. I’m not just a pretty face, huh?

Shetland Duck

You may be asking yourself, why the odd appearance? Well, that’s because the Shetland duck is thought to have evolved from the Pomeranian duck and our old friend, the Swedish Blue duck. It’s been said that the Vikings brought this breed over to Britain, so blame them! A Shetland is ideal for a domestic duck, as long as your prepared to feed its daily diet of seeds, bugs and microbes! The Shetland duck is the third smallest native British duck breed. In short, it’s a light-weight!

Pomeranian Duck

Now I can’t do a review without mentioning this guy having already bringing up the Swedish Blue and Shetland duck. Well, I could, but that would be a lie. Bit of a heavy hitter we have here with it hitting the scales at a whopping 3 kg! Plus, their ability to produce 70-100 eggs per year! The Pomeranian Duck are also called by another name, the Pommern Duck. The name discloses the source of the Pomeranian Duck breed. The Pomeranian Duck is found on the home farms in the Pomerania district in the north-eastern part of Europe, on the border of Germany and Sweden. The Pomeranian Duck is a blue color duck and it is considered that it originates in the coastal regions of Germany, Sweden and Holland. The Pomeranian Duck were bred not only for their attractive color, but also bred for their eggs and meat. The Pomeranian Duck have a fairly long body, but is broad and deep and carry themselves more horizontally to the ground. I’ve just copy/ pasted that last part because I can’t be arsed to type it up in my own words. So,, no hard feelings, eh?


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This entry was posted on June 8, 2016 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .
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