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Movie Review: X-Men Apocalypse (2016)

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Directed by: Bryan Singer

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Sophie Turner, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Oscar Isaac & Olivia Munn

X-Men movies are a mixed bag. The first two were amazing, whiles Last Stand was terrible. Don’t even get me started on the two Wolverine films (Deadpool shooting lasers and having no mouth?? Are you fucking simple, mate?) Days of Future Past was back on the right track in terms of story and character development. I’m not going to lie, the trailers for this didn’t exactly excite me in any way. Apocalypse himself looks like Ivan Ooze from Power Rangers. So you can understand why I had some reservations heading into this film.

Apocalypse (Issac) is said to be the first mutant in history. Worshiped as a god, Apocalypse awakens after thousands of years and begins recruiting other mutants, including a broken hearted Magneto (Fassbender), who is motivated by grief after the death of his daughter. Apocalypse, Magneto and the rest of the gang go on to create a new world order where the mutants rule over the humans.

Elsewhere, Mystique (Lawrence)has been helping rescue oppressed mutants and eventually becomes involved in the struggle against Apocalypse when she learns about Magneto. Mystique then turns to Charles Xavier (McAvoy) to assemble a young team of X-Men to put Apocalypse in his place!!

Christ alive, that was uneventful! My fears going in before-hand were confirmed as the film progressed. It started off well, but finished off on a limp.

Compared to other X-Men films, this just felt redundant and stale at times. I get it: life is a pain in the arse for mutants. It’s a hard knock life for them. I get that, we all get that. It’s literally the only thing mutants ever seem to bang on about. They were talking about 16 years ago when X-Men first burst onto the big screens, and they’re still going on about it. It’s odd when you look at other superhero movies since then and they all seem to have all the fun, but never the X-Men. Not even the Samaritans can help them out. Plus, how many times can Professor X remind us that there is good in Magneto? Didn’t he, you know, try and kill Charles one time?

Just like in Batman v Superman, X-Men Apocalypse crams so many characters into this film, leaving some of them short-changed. Olivia Munn is picture perfect as Psylocke (seeing her in that skimpy little number), but doesn’t get enough screen time that she deserves. Lana Condor’s Jubliee makes an appearance in her trademark yellow trench coat and that’s it. Well, that and going to the mall with her new BFF, Nightcrawler. The Blob has a blink and you’ll miss him appearance too in the early stages.

One of the best things about this movie was Quicksilver. Like in DOFP, Quicksilver steals the show here, and treats us to an extended action sequence that stands head and shoulders about the rest. There’s some comic relief thrown in, plus the addition of ‘Sweet Dreams’ by The Eurythmics really does add to the scene.

That was the best scene in the movie. However, Quicksilver is also involved in the worst scene too.

I get that Quicksilver can use his speed to his advantage, but why the fuck is it that he is able to throw around Apocalypse like a rag doll? Who the fuck booked this shit? Apocalypse is this big intimidating guy, yet he’s been made to look like Bo Dallas after such a strong build up. Don’t be surprised if he appears in the next X-Men film (because we all know they’ll be another one) with a happy go lucky dancing gimmick.

Apocalypse was an okay villain. At times sinister, but a bit too plastic also. If you want to watch a good Oscar Isaac movie, check out Inside Llewyn Davis.

If there’s a movie series that needs to be rebooted, X-Men is that movie. Give the series to Disney. It happened with Spider-Man, so why not X-Men? Better yet, give it to Tim Miller.

It’s time to move on. As a great man once said, ‘evolve or die’.

Rating: ** (No way, Pedro)

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