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Twelve Christmas Movie Reviews in Twelve Days 2015: #3. Santa’s Slay (2005)

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Directed by: David Steiman
Starring: Bill Goldberg, Emilie de Ravin, Douglas Smith & Robert Culp

It’s the first Christmas themed horror film of the series and it is a treat! What attracted me most to this film was the guy playing the role of Santa Claus; WCW Legend Bill Goldberg. The idea of Goldberg portraying an evil Father Christmas is outrageous, but having already seen the film, he pulls it off perfectly. But what are my thoughts on the film?

Before we get to that, let me give you an outline of the story.

So why is Santa evil? The story goes that Santa was the result of a virgin birth produced by Satan, just like how Jesus was the result of a virgin birth produced by God, meaning that Santa is actually the Antichrist! Christmas was originally known as “The Day of Slaying” for Santa, meaning that he can go on a full on killing spree on that day, every year. In 1005 AD, Santa lost a bet to an angel where the wager was that Santa was forced into delivering presents on Christmas for 1000 years. Fast forward to 2005, and Santa is free to return to his wicked ways.

The best way to describe Santa’s Slay is that it’s a throwback to over the top 1980’s horror flicks. In short, it’s fucking insane.

The deaths are hilarious. The opening scene sets the tone for the rest of the film as Santa kills an entire family during a Christmas meal in the most ridiculous ways possible. Some of the deaths include; drowning someone in eggnog, lodging a turkey leg down someone’s throat and decapitating another with a star from the Christmas tree. The spirit of Christmas is strong in this film. Actors included in this opening scene are Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart and, surprisingly, James Caan. What do they all have in common? They’re all famous Jewish actors (Goldberg is also Jewish)! I also want to mention that Goldberg was awesome as evil Santa. He made the film for me.

Another death scene sees two boys opening their presents on Christmas Day, it turns out that the presents are actually bombs which detonate as soon as the wrapping paper is removed. And when they do, only their bodies remain. The whole explosion is done is an obviously fake, campy way and that’s what makes it even more hilarious.

As you can tell, this isn’t a serious film. Far from it. It’s as cheesy as Adam West’s Batman and as camp as Christmas itself.

Is it a good film? Not really, but it isn’t actually the worst film either. You’re just not supposed to take it seriously or comment on how lame it is. You just want to see Santa running people over on his ‘Hell-Deer’.

If you haven’t seen this I do recommend it. It’s a fun film to watch if you fancy killing time.

Rating: *** ½ (Aye it’s canny)

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