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Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Jessica Barth and Morgan Freeman
Directed by: Seth MacFarlane
It’s quite obvious by now how much I enjoy going to the cinema. There have been times where my mates would ask if I fancy going to the movies and not finding out what film I’m actually going to see until I turn up. That was the story of how I saw the original Ted back in 2012. When I first heard about the first Ted I was curious. My friend explained the plot about how a boy’s wish to make his teddy bear come alive ends up coming true. I thought it was children’s film, and that he choose that movie just to dick around with me. How wrong was I! It was hilarious. Absolutely loved it and was one of my top films of 2012 (FYI Argo was my pick of film of 2012).
A sequel was always going to happen. It’s a no brainer. The success of the first one proves that. For Ted 2, I found out it was released today by accident. There have been no adverts on the telly or in newspapers and for a film as popular as Ted I found that to be very strange. Was that an omen? Let’s have a look at the storyline.
A lot has changed for both John (Marky Mark) and Ted since 2012. The lives of the self-dubbed ‘Thunder-Buddies’ have gone in different directions with Ted now married to the girl of his dreams, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), and John is Boston’s most eligible bachelor having gone through a divorce. He’s unhappy and not ready to move on despite Ted’s attempts to find him love. Ted and Tami-Lynn decided that they should adopt a child, but that’s where the problems begin for you see, through the eyes of the law, Ted is considered property and not a person! As a result, all his bank accounts are frozen, he’s unable to be entitled to employment and worst of all his marriage to Tami-Lynn is declared null and void! Angry about everything, John and Ted seek legal help from a young lawyer (Seyfried) and the best civil-rights attorney (Morgan Freeman) to help him get the justice that he rightfully deserves.
I’ve got to be honest folks, this isn’t good at all. Not at all! Dated and tedious are the words that spring to mind along with last pop culture references and stabs at political incorrectness and a typical gag to that is a scene where Ted, who is looking at ways to make money after being sacked from his job at a local supermarket, is standing on a street corner dressed in a mini-skirt and heels offering oral sex for “tree dollah” in a far eastern accent. Admittedly, there is this one scene that I found funny where Liam Neeson is trying to buy a box of children’s breakfast cereal and asking Ted if it’s okay for him to buy it despite him not being a child and asks if no one is going to question him about it or follow him home. I guess that was a light hearted joke about recent allegations regarding celebrities being reviled as paedophiles (Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris, Garry Glitter etc) but still seeing Liam Neeson raising concerns about a box of children’s breakfast cereal in a serious manner was pretty hilarious. Another funny scene was when Ted and John attend a improve comedy club and shouting out ‘sad suggestions’ at the troupe. Some of the suggestions include; Robin Williams, 9/11, Bill Cosby, Charlie Hebdo massacre and Jacksonville.
Why Liam Neeson and Morgan Freeman were involved in this I do not know. Didn’t Neeson not learn his lesson from that bloody horrendous western “comedy” A Million Ways to Die in the West?
Ted 2 in its simplest of forms is a psychological breakdown of fart-gags and words beaten up into the approximate shape of a joke, and a very bad one at that. It’s as if Seth wanted the viewers to say “Hey, the funny bear says naughty words” before pissing their pants in hysterics. Honestly, without the first film’s element of surprise the jokes get stale fast and the laughs are obsolete.
Of course success of the first Ted will ensure people to flock to their local cinema to see this sequel but when you put the two films side by side, it’s easy to see which one generates the most laughs. I know what my money will be on.
It’s hard to tell what Seth MacFarlane tried to accomplish with Ted 2.
Rating: ** (No Way Pedro)