The Rif Files

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RIF’s Random Reviews: Silk Road Fortune Cookies


Yeah I’m reviewing fortune cookies. Why? Well it all stemmed from a recent visit to a Chinese restaurant me and a few mates attended in Sunderland. After our meals, we received our bill which was accompanied by a plate of fortune cookies. Two of my mates didn’t want them so I took them, be a shame to waste them right?

I ended up with three of these cookies and decided to save them for later. My mate Dan shook his head. “What you going to do, review them?” he said in a sarcastic tone.

You know what, yes. Yes I fucking am, Dan!

You will see from the display picture that the packaging is basic. It’s got a picture of a broken cookie with “The only” written on the scrap of paper. It’s some sort of foil like wrapping to keep the product fresh I suppose. There’s some Asian writing at the top there, don’t know what it says if anyone can translate it for me you’ll win nothing. I always thought that fortune cookies were somewhat mystical until I remembered that you could actually buy a box of them in Tesco (aisle 29 if you do your shopping at the Newcastle Road branch, they also have a ton of good bargains too. Every little helps). So much for the mystic.

This is what it looks like out of packaging (which was a bitch trying to open I may add).


Oh boy doesn’t that look delicious! My friend said it perfectly when he said, “it looks like a lump of shit”. Cheers pal, spare a thought for the guy who has to eat this ‘lump of shit’. It tastes so dry. It literally has zero taste. Tried to feed one to my dog and she just looked up at me with the saddest expression she’d ever pulled in her 8 week old life as if to say “why are you doing this to me?”

I’ve received three fortunes and here they are:


I actually froze when I read this one. You guys may think that fortune cookies, horoscopes whatever are bullshit, but there’s a real personal story behind this one for me. I’m not going to go into the background of what happened, but life’s too short to hold grudges. There’s no future when you live in the past.

Up next it’s:


That’s not a fortune, that’s a fact. I don’t want to sound cocky or big headed but no matter where I go in the world I always manage to strike up a conversation with anybody, and my mother told me to never talk to strangers. I remember just starting up a conversation with these Americans on the London Eye last month. We were all getting along like a house on fire. They were from Beverley Hills, California which is like the posh end of town. I still remember the looks of confusion when I told them I was from Sunderland.

“Sunderland? I’m not familiar with that city”

(Me) “Yeah, it’s like Beverley Hills of England”

So there I was serving up more whoppers than Burger King, but does Beverley Hills have a Poundland though? Sunderland 1 Beverley Hills 0 (For more information about Sunderland just search for my blog entitled “Sunderland according to RIF”. A very ‘informative’ piece”.

My final fortune is…..


What could that possibly mean? A promotion? A pay rise? No more forced overtime? I’m actually intrigued to find out now.

Thanks for reading, if you liked what you’ve read then please leave a like or a comment. Check out my previews review of Funko’s DC Vinyl Figures and make sure to join me again in my next review.


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